10 Famous Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes

Updated: November 27, 2016 / Home » Tumblr Quotes on Love & Life

The legendary Chuck Noris, who doesn’t know Chuck Noris? Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris [ Wikipedia ] (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter. After serving in the United States Air Force, he began his rise to fame as a martial artist, and has since founded his own school, Chun Kuk Do.

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Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes Violence is my last option. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
Violence is my last option.

Chuck Norris Quotes Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes When I got into the film business, my aim was to adopt a positive persona, of a guy who fights against justice and it saved me, because my acting was atrocious to say the least! best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
When I got into the film business, my aim was to adopt a positive persona, of a guy who fights against justice and it saved me, because my acting was atrocious to say the least!

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes People need to realise what real happiness and success is, because success as an actor is fleeting. You can be up there one day and gone the next. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
People need to realise what real happiness and success is, because success as an actor is fleeting. You can be up there one day and gone the next.

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes Some of the most miserable people I know are some of the richest people in America, they are the most miserable individuals I've ever seen. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
Some of the most miserable people I know are some of the richest people in America, they are the most miserable individuals I’ve ever seen.

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes It's the bullies who are afraid, are the ones that do all the fighting. It's not the secure kids that get out there and fight. It's the insecure kids. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
It’s the bullies who are afraid, are the ones that do all the fighting. It’s not the secure kids that get out there and fight. It’s the insecure kids.

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes I think setting a goal, getting a visual image of what it is you want. You've got to see what it is you want to achieve before you can pursue it. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
I think setting a goal, getting a visual image of what it is you want. You’ve got to see what it is you want to achieve before you can pursue it.

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes I don't initiate violence, I retaliate. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
I don’t initiate violence, I retaliate.

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes A lot of people give up just before they're about to make it. You know you never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
A lot of people give up just before they’re about to make it. You know you never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one.

Chuck Norris Quotes, Facts and Jokes A lot of times people look at the negative side of what they feel they can't do. I always look on the positive side of what I can do. best inspirational tumblr quotes instagram
A lot of times people look at the negative side of what they feel they can’t do. I always look on the positive side of what I can do.

Chuck Norris Top 50 Facts and Jokes

  1. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
  2. Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
  3. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it is just afriad to move.
  4. Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
  5. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
  6. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
  7. If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber’s ass.
  8. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
  9. Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
  10. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
  11. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
  12. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.
  13. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
  14. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
  15. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
  16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  17. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  18. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  19. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
  20. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
  21. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  22. Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake…….. After three days of pain and agony ………………the rattle snake died
  23. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  24. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  25. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
  26. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  27. Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
  28. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
  29. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  30. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  31. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
  32. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  33. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  34. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  35. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  36. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
  37. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  38. Chuck Norris once threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people…….then it exploded
  39. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
  40. Chuck Norris can sufficate a pillow with a man.
  41. Chuck Norris once told Hillary Clinton to shut up. She did.
  42. Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button.
  43. Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn’t make any sense.
  44. Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
  45. The Black Eyed Peas used to be called “The Peas”… until they met Chuck Norris.
  46. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  47. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd – No one fools with Chuck Norris.
  48. Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow
  49. According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
  50. When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.
  51. Chuck norris once won a chess game after losing his king
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