55 Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes

Updated: November 27, 2016 / Home » Tumblr Quotes on Love & Life

The best comeback is not through violence, it is to outsmart your opponent by insulting them intelligently with none swearing replies, also known as a punchline. Punching or physically assaulting someone is a crime, you will end up in prison with a bad record, however, insulting without using any curse word is not a crime. Without further ado, here are 55 insulting quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, enemies and haters, share it on your Facebook or Tweeter as an indirect message.

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I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

It's ok if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.

I'm actually not funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m actually not funny. I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.

If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a stupid question. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.

I'm busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

I was wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don't show. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I was wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don’t show.

I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself I never knew. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself I never knew.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

If you don't like me, take a map, get a car, drive to hell. Have a nice trip. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
If you don’t like me, take a map, get a car, drive to hell. Have a nice trip.

Oh, my bad. I'm sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

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I'm sorry I offended you with my common sense. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had the authority to judge me. Who are you? God? Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had the authority to judge me. Who are you? God?

Ignore me, I don't care I'm used to it anyways, I'm invisible. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Ignore me, I don’t care I’m used to it anyways, I’m invisible.

I love that super cute thing you do where you don't text me back for hours, adorable. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I love that super cute thing you do where you don’t text me back for hours, adorable.

I'm sorry if you don't like my honesty, but to be fair, I don't like your lies. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m sorry if you don’t like my honesty, but to be fair, I don’t like your lies.

I'm sorry you were offended when I called you a hoe. I didn't know it was a secret. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m sorry you were offended when I called you a hoe. I didn’t know it was a secret.

If lying was a job, I know some people who would be billionaires. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
If lying was a job, I know some people who would be billionaires.

I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Oh I didn't realize you're an expert in my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.
Oh I didn’t realize you’re an expert in my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.

I am just so talented. I can listen to music and ignore you at the same time. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I am just so talented. I can listen to music and ignore you at the same time.

Excuse me miss, you've got a bit of face on your make up. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Excuse me miss, you’ve got a bit of face on your make up.

Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today? Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?

Is your ass jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth? Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Is your ass jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth?

The last thing I want to do is hurt you... But it's still on the list. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it’s still on the list.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.

If common sense is common why are you without it? Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
If common sense is common why are you without it?

Zombies eat brains, don't worry, you're safe. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Zombies eat brains, don’t worry, you’re safe.

Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

You sound better with your mouth closed. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
You sound better with your mouth closed.

I'd slap you but that would be animal abuse. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.

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Without stupid people like you, we would have no one to laugh at. Thank you for your contribution to society. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Without stupid people like you, we would have no one to laugh at. Thank you for your contribution to society.

Bitch, I'd kick you in the V, but I'm afraid I'd lose my shoe. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Bitch, I’d kick you in the V, but I’m afraid I’d lose my shoe.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support to charge my phone. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from durex. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from durex.

I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as well as your own genetics. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I would love to insult you, but I’m afraid I won’t do as well as your own genetics.

Somewhere out there is a tree working hard to replace the oxygen you wasted, now go apologize to it. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Somewhere out there is a tree working hard to replace the oxygen you wasted, now go apologize to it.

You are like the first piece of bread, everybody touches you but no one wants you. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
You are like the first piece of bread, everybody touches you but no one wants you.

You should eat some make up, at least you'll be pretty on the inside. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
You should eat some make up, at least you’ll be pretty on the inside.

When your parents dropped you off at pre school, they were arrested for littering. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
When your parents dropped you off at pre school, they were arrested for littering.

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and you, I would shoot you twice. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and you, I would shoot you twice.

You have a face only a mother could love. I bet she tells you you're special too. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
You have a face only a mother could love. I bet she tells you you’re special too.

Your mom should've swallowed. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Your mom should’ve swallowed.

Stupidity is not a crime, if it is, you'll end up in jail. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Stupidity is not a crime, if it is, you’ll end up in jail.

I can remove 90% of your beauty with a wet tissue. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I can remove 90% of your beauty with a wet tissue.

Learn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Learn from your parents’ mistakes, use birth control.

You look like something I'd draw with my left hand. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.

You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said What a treasure and your dad said Lets go bury it! Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
You’re so ugly, when you were born your mom said “What a treasure” and your dad said “Lets go bury it!”

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Your life is useless, just like your dad's condom. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Your life is useless, just like your dad’s condom.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.

The best part about me, is I'm not you. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
The best part about me, is I’m not you.

I don't hate you but I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence. Funny Non-Swearing Insults And Sarcastic Quotes for fake friends, ex bf, ex gf, boyfriend, girlfriend, enemies and haters facebook twitter pinterest
I don’t hate you but I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.


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