32 Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin

Updated: October 5, 2018 / Home » Quotes [ Top Tumblr Inspirational, Love & Life ]

George Carlin did more than make people laugh — he made them think. George Carlin [ Wikipedia ] was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist, actor, writer, and an author who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums. You may not agree on his view on Global Warming, Climate Change, Religion, and so on, but he does make a good argument about them.

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Some say he is a conspiracy nut, but do watch his videos with an open mind and laugh. He is a very funny man. If your not familiar with his style and off color language, this might not be for you. But if you have an open mind and have a good since of humor, you probably would love this package.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large group. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large group.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

If you have selfish ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
If you have selfish ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Don't just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Religion is like a pair of shoes, find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Religion is like a pair of shoes, find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die.

The main reason santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
The main reason santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Most people work just hard enough not to  get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Most people work just hard enough not to  get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.

Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Religion is just mind control. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

Electricity is really just organized lightning. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Tell people that there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Tell people that there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.

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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman Where's the self-help section? She said is she told me it would defeat the purpose. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman “Where’s the self-help section?” She said is she told me it would defeat the purpose.

I have as much authority as the pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
I have as much authority as the pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

If God has intended us not to masturbate, he would've made our arms shorter. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
If God has intended us not to masturbate, he would’ve made our arms shorter.

Recently I realised what emails are for: to communicate with those who you don't want to talk to. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Recently I realised what emails are for: to communicate with those who you don’t want to talk to.

If you really want to know how to help your children, leave them alone! Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
If you really want to know how to help your children, leave them alone!

Live every day like it's your last... and eventually it will be. You'll be fully prepared. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
Live every day like it’s your last… and eventually it will be. You’ll be fully prepared.

There's nothing wrong with this planet. It is the people who are crazy! Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
There’s nothing wrong with this planet. It is the people who are crazy!

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Funny And Sarcastic Quotes By George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.


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